10x2

1. List 20 random facts about yourself. 


(In my mind, I picture my future husband reading this blog, and being the only one who really cares, haha, and trying desperately to figure out my strange workings.)


1. I have a problem with buying books.  I read very few of them, though I read a lot, just slowly, yet I buy TONS of them.  It's a problem.
2. I still drive the same car I got when I was 16.  Her name is Betty, and she is a '94 Honda Civic.
3. I am a deeply shy person.
4. I love cats; so much so that I once considered becoming a zoologist to work with large felines.
5. I write stories, but they never finish themselves, and they are very important to me, but they're probably not very good.
6. I'm looking forward to when I can stop working to have babies.
7. I am not politically partisan, and don't think you should be either. :D
8. I love love love to travel.
9. In high school, I was a choir nerd and a theatre kid.  I wish I had done more stage managing after that.
10. I don't like candy, not really.
11. I adore live flowers of any kind.
12. I try to stay conscious of the fact that we are living a great epic in God's story.
13. I studied abroad in England, and I miss it terribly!
14. I am a tea girl.  I love tea.  Mainly, simple black tea, but I love tea, and I don't like coffee.
15. I have only recently been able to stop biting my nails.  I started when I was little because my dad cut my nails painfully too short.
16. I love watching period films and TV shows with my mom.  It's one of my favorite pastimes.
17. I love being a hostess and buying people stuff.
18. I am, what you would call, a hopeless romantic.  I just want to be wooed.
19. I like my job.  I teach.  I really like teaching.
20. The only sport I care anything about is tennis.  And I really like tennis. :D

Exercising the Pen

I have a lot of thoughts and things I could blog about, but I just don't seem to get on here with everything that is going on in my world.  So, in an attempt to cultivate my blogging (and consequently exercise my brain and writing) I'm going to follow the best friend in posting these themed, blog entries.

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for. 

Now

And so this is life.


It's hard for me sometimes to be in the now.  I completely understand the sentiment, to be here, present, not just physically, but mentally and spiritually; and I advocate it, but sometimes it's hard for me because I don't realize I'm living in somewhere else.  It takes me a while to get a realization of things, of being in a moment.  And then other times, I think I subconsciously withdraw because I see more than it seems other people see and feel that the world is broken, that so much is corrupt, and dark... so I live in a future that I control and plan, and forget that right now is just as important and that I haven't controlled one second of my life... ever.  But this past week has been a realization week.


My best friend just engaged.  Like 20 minutes ago, ha.  And this whole journey with my two closest friends and them finding spouses has been oddly hard, and oddly denied on my part.  But, I have decided to be supportive.  I decided to support Miranda several months ago, but I suppose really I decided to support Allie in only the last few days.  


And with that decision comes being in the now.  


Now involves twenty-nine 9th graders and their lack of interest in World Geography, but earnest attempts to teach them something anyway.
Now involves work relationships and tenacious futures.
Now involves wedding dress shopping and picking up from alterations.
Now involves bill paying, and student loans, and deteriorating vehicles.
Now involves kind old ladies and gentlemen but hindrances to worship and progress.
Now involves a youth group that has so much potential, but no one, including me, knowing just how to push farther.
Now involves wedding planning, and bridesmaids dresses, and bachelorette parties.
Now involves being selfless and summoning energy and excitement to make this some of the happiest days of certain lives.
Now involves keeping my mouth shut on certain topics, because I put my foot in it way too much already.
Now involves realizing I have a lot of bitterness inside me, and not knowing where it came from, and what to do with it.
Now involves lavender, and spring coming, and the possibility of ripe tomatoes in the summer.
Now involves teaching to the test.
Now involves Saturdays spent watching shows with Mom.
Now involves learning about things you'd never hear about in normal conversation from Dad.
Now involves Desiring God, Beth Moore, and Game of Thrones.
Now involves lots of weddings and several new babies.
Now involves seeking truth and learning more deeply about the gospel.
Now involves missing Esther, and trying not to think too hard about who will be moving off next.
Now involves hollow moments due to lack of prayer, trust, and openness.
Now involves admiring Sarah's steadfast love and Liz's unassuming kindness.
Now involves sweet tea and good food.
Now involves heartache and realizing there's more to learn about love than mere romance.
Now involves embracing a period of life that is absolutely FULL of change.
But most importantly, now involves this moment, and being here, and realizing that it's precious and important, and passes all too quickly, and that at the end of the day this moment is not mine to own, it's mine to experience.  It's a gift, and like the first breath you take when you're born, one day... you'll have to give it back.

Life Moments

When you're sixteen, and you ponder what life will be like when you're finally grown up, look beautiful, and are in the magical 'twenties', you picture life moments.  Graduations, engagements, wedding dress shopping, getting a first real job... but I also pictured little things like wondering if I'd have enough money to buy shampoo, and eating out with friends, and my own professional-grown-up apartment.  The past few months have been full to the seams of these kinds of life moments.




Student Teaching in AP US History.
Miranda and Roper getting engaged.
One weekend, I attended the beautiful Esther's senior thesis reading and enjoyed lots of poetry and short stories.  The next day I was in Houston with Miranda and we bought a wedding dress.
Teaching Sunday School.
Having my car overheat on 59 while Allie and I were on the way home from Bible study (Betty's in her old age and its showing).
Stepping right from student teaching into a 9th grade non-pre-AP World Geography class which had lacked a good bit of discipline and perhaps some important instruction from August to November 7.
Singing in The Messiah with my Bible study girls and the SFA Choirs (including some faces/voices that make me feel like I'm home).
Not being in love, and trying to give up that idol of a future husband.
Alycia's graduation.
Smelling an all too familiar cologne at the exact spot that a high school sweetheart used to wait for me after school while walking to my very own classroom.
Allie & Esther's graduation and Christmas at Maw and Paw's that same day.  
Missing Sarah's wedding for that Christmas and graduation.
Getting lost in the spiritual desert with a cold, cold heart.
Having affections again.
Struggling like Atlas with issues of education, war, and anti-intellectualism in the church, and dealing with the fact that no one else seems to really care what's right or wrong.
Trying to figure out how grace and discipline work together.
My little sister's 20th birthday.
Reconciling not being about to go to Passion.
Comfortable, familiar, and loving touches between friends at church.
The smell of sweaters, hot chocolate, and the first time you turn on the heat for winter.
Accepting that while I know my two best friends a lot better than their soon-to-be husbands do, that they belong to God, and he is allowing them to be given into the care of these two men, and there's nothing I can do, or should do, to change that.
Living back at home with the parents, and weighing the pros and cons (mostly pros).
Being engrossed in a new book series.
Respecting and adoring an old favorite teacher on a new level as she becomes boss and colleague.
Realizing how arrogant, cynical, and annoying I can be.
Getting a paycheck that's bigger than three digits for the first time.
Great conversations at Starbucks, during long car rides, at IHOP, and in living rooms.
Planning what's next... teaching overseas or just in Dallas or East Texas? Master's degree or doctorate?
Reading a blog that makes me feel like I'm not alone in my life pursuits, and reminding me that life is to be lived to the fullest, and that living in rooted in the Lord is worth it.




And luckily, I have always been able to afford shampoo.

Truth, Love, and Pixie Dust

This blog is taking a new direction.
1.  It is significantly less political (though that is unavoidable sometimes).  Mainly because the privacy settings at LiveJournal are superior to the ones here, and let's just say that talking politics often equates to vocalizing vulgarities in some people's minds, and the world is changing.  I'm maturing, I guess.  Trying to get less angry.  Also, it's slightly unprofessional.  
2.  It is still going to be me, so I write the same - long, cerebral, off-kilter.  I'm working on it, I swear!
3.  I'm taking a leaf out of my friends' books.  People like people more than they like arguments.  So more personable-ness. :D




Major themes:


Truth:  There is this constant meme that appears in my life.  Seeker of Truth.  It's also a thing in a book series that I love, but that's not only where it came from - that's merely where the term presented itself most clearly.  Overall, though, it's become more clearly defined in my life.  There's a lot of goals people have in their lives:  Be happy.  Glorify God.  Be Successful.  Whatever - although being happy seems to be one of the most prevalent, I'm learning.  For me, seeking truth and telling about it is a big goal.  The telling part has been less than perfect, but it's getting better.  


Love:  There's nothing more important than love.  It is so much deeper than we can imagine.  And it is so fascinating in how it takes many forms.  We have always felt its presence, and rarely question its origin and existence.  It is a force not to be reckoned with.  It exerts itself through faith; shows itself most clearly in sacrifice, and is most enjoyable in moments that only the soul recognizes.
"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Cor. 13:13)


Pixie Dust:  (See 'Interesting Blog Posts' as well)  C.S. Lewis once remarked that "When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."   I have always loved fairy tales, folklore, and children's stories.  In fact, I still have my suspicions about the actual past existence of dragons.  But, mainly fairy tales just remind me to look deeper into all things.  There's a rhyme for a reason, you could say.  
When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies...  It makes you smile with nostalgia, and giggle a little remembering childhood enchantment.  Because you see, I am so often anguished by this broken world.  I see through jaded eyes the cruelty, the depravity, the shallowness, the injustice, and the ignorance.  So, it's a breath of fresh spring air for me to remember childhood enchantments, which remind me to look for the beauty of the thing, the good of the thing, and the deeper meaning.


Beautiful Feet:  "How beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!"  (Romans 10:15)