I woke up really tired today. From beginning to end, I was just trying to get this day over, from one task after another. Writing assignments in the board, paining with coworkers, yelling at children, driving, making dinner, teaching a Bible study and not having a heart capable to do it best, complaining to mom after having a conversation with a friend who had also realized how much she complained through Lent. Tired and sleepy, just pushing through all the way to picking up this book.
Imagine all the years we spend just trying to get to bed. Imagine all the days spent where the best part was laying your head down at night. And what so we DO? We do a lot of the mundane in the in between moments. We truly live in the in between moments. Baseball games and ballets and wine festivals do not make up our lives. Laundry and conversations and dinner and grocery stores are life. But we live them - just trying to make to to unconsciousness.
And then, one day, we don't wake up. My great-aunt just died this week. She went to sleep with nothing particularly wrong, and simply never woke up. I'm noticing that most people are not in the hospital for weeks, or get stage four melanoma. Most people just stop. And one phone call later, they are disappeared from our worlds. But in the in between, we watch the telescreen; we complain about our lot; we are numb; we don't feel good or bad; we make other people feel little; we bad mouth someone behind their back; we are tired. We are tired.
I'm slowly realizing just how much of our lives we waste. How truly ungrateful we are for everything we have been given. How very little I actually truly live my life. And how all of that is simply an action stemming from not truly trusting that the God of the universe really does love me.
Romans 8:37-39
