Have you ever heard of grounding? It's this wacky idea where (roughly) you stand in the fresh earth barefoot and sort of spiritually ground yourself to the earth. Hokey, I know, but there's something to the idea that we are actually both spiritual and physical beings, and there's something that happens sometimes when electricity and the soul work together. Whether that's sunset and your barefeet in the sand, or hands held high in ancient prehistoric expression of worship. Now, regardless what you think of my poor explanation of the phenomenon of grounding, I thought about it last night - about how sometimes there's a pulse. Sometimes, people are really able to touch that spark of the divine. You see it at rock concerts - the feeling of everybody singing and moving to the music as one entity, and you see it best when you have a room full of human beings worshiping the Creator of the universe. There's a pulse that we crave desperately. We crave it even when we don't know what we're looking for. It's this call for a purpose, for fulfillment, for affirmation, for love, for something solid and big....It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased...
We all want. We all suffer. In small ways, in big ways do we suffer. In fresh, unexpected moments of pain from something you see on Facebook, or after a horrible phone call that tells you "she's gone", or by a careless phrase said by a well meaning person. Suffering is so present and raw and, it eventually numbs you. But we run from these deep things when we can. We're terrified. We're anxious. We're losing control - we have no control. So, we hide; we run. We don't commit. We don't open up. We don't look each other in the eyes. We don't read. We don't think. Instead, we watch TV or play Clash of Clans. Instead, we talk about sports, or we get angry and storm off, or we smile and fake it, or we party, or we knit, or we sing. We do anything but really deal with our fears and anxieties. We placate the void in our soul with whatever we can find, and call it good. We are far too easily pleased.
I'm rambling, sorry, but I've had a lot of thoughts this weekend. I went to Linger Conference this weekend (with some awesome people, by the way!), and my heart was ripped open, and I could breathe again. The Lord did work on me, and I am grateful. I was reminded that I know who I am and what my purpose is. I'm not wandering. I'm not adrift. I'm totally a hot mess! But, my life is grounded. Regardless of the suffering that has come and will come, joy stays, and I will be ok. There is so much life in that, depth in that. There is liberty in that.
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| The beautiful Essie Jean http://todayismyfavorite.blogspot.com/ |
Confession: Y'all, I'm on my phone a lot. I'm not too obnoxious about it, but its like an instinct of my hand every few seconds, and I realized how much of a crutch it was (cause the struggle is real with social anxiety, ok! I would so rather stare at Facebook than make small talk). So, today and last night I was mulling over something bigger in my head - what about fasting from those things all of Lent? Ummm...Ugh. Yuck. That's a long time. That means I can't Instagram New Mexico Spring Break and my Birthday! (let alone post adorable Jamie pictures! I know you're disappointed) But maybe my motives for all of that are ridiculous (and not working), a waste of time even, or at the least its a replacement for something I'm missing somewhere along the way, instead of just being simply sharing my life with people who care. Maybe, I can actually spend my time in this moment, and reconnecting to better things. So, I had a peace about it, and I'm doing it. So, this will be the last thing you see until Easter. (I may make an exception for Birthday wishes to not be rude, but other than that - nope).
I'm letting go. I'm cleaning out the junk. I'm redefining 'everything'. I'm letting it be.
I'm choosing the sea over mud puddles.
See you on the other side.
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From the love of my own comfort,
From the fear of having nothing,
From the need to be understood,
From the fear of being lonely,
From the fear of death or trial,
Deliver me.
Take over lover of my soul,
take control,
there's nothing I want more,
I surrender...
Create in me a clean heart in me,
Renew a right spirit within me,
and teach me wisdom in the secret heart...
What I already know is already enough,
I don't need to know tomorrow...
You are good,
You are God,
You are life,
of all else I'm letting go,
I'm running to your arms...
You see me through and through
and call me loved...
Surely goodness,
surely mercy,
right beside me all my days...
because your love is better than life is,
and in the face of precious Jesus,
oh my soul will be satisfied...
Everything is mine in you,
I can trust you in my longing...
I lay down all lesser things
for greater gain...
Pry our fingers from the earthly,
Everything is mine in you,
In you I have everything I need...
My God will come through always,
He will not delay,
My refuge and strength,
I will not fear,
His promise is true.
I trust you with my life.
Jesus is better,
Jesus knows better,
Jesus has better
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