What do you want to do more than anything else in the world?

One of my students asked me on Friday what I wanted to be/do more than anything else in the world. It was completely random and personal and several things ran through my head before I simply and dishonestly said "I don't know."

My first thought was "curator of the British Museum" because that's my go to answer when people ask what I wanted to be when I grew up.  But, being a jaded adult, I don't want that job now. Then I thought, "I am what I always wanted to be", which is true. I love my job and I can't imagine doing anything else... professionally.  Which was when the real answer came stirring out of my heart - what I want to be more than anything else in the world is the most honorable and worthwhile thing anyone can be: a wife and mother.  That's what I want more than anything else.

Its amusing how God uses the oddest things to expose your.heart.  I'm really struggling with contentment lately, but slowly and surely God is molding and pushing me towards finding my value not in my job or my relationship status, but in my Creator. I am not there yet, but he's illuminating things. Sanctification is what life's about.

"All of a Christian's life should be one of repentence." - Martin Luther

A Scribbled Look at What Goes on in my Brain

People stood up during worship on Sunday.  This is a big deal.  A movement away from legalistic ritual death and toward freedom and life. Led by one old woman and a 30-something young family. May have partially been confusion about what the last song was, but I'll take it!

My deepest desire is to have a husband and babies. I find myself awed by the simplest love. I'm getting better at being content, but it is so hard to trust. We are far too accustomed to being betrayed. (Pv3:5)

Harry Potter showed me the gospel today. Remember the scene in Sorcerer's Stone when Harry first sees Voldemort in the forest feeding on a unicorn? Firenze saves him and says to him, "it is a terrible crime to slay a unicorn. Drinking the blood will keep you alive even if.you are an inch from death, but at a terrible price - for you have slain something so pure that from the moment the blood touches your lips you will have a half-life, a cursed life." And then Harry asks, but who would do such a thing?"  The answer in real life, of course, is all of us. All of us have been a part of the slaying of something so innocent and pure, for God is that innocent and pure. And any little sin is a perversion of that purity.

Have you ever wondered why death hurts so much? I'm starting to think that its because its unnatural. Seems ridiculous, right? But sickness and death surround us. Touch all of us. We have to accept it because it's inevitable. And we do need to know how to suffer well, but what if it wasn't meant to be this way.  What if death is the most unnatural thing in the world? What if we know that deep down, or knew it once upon a time? What if the reason immortality appeals so much in the form of elves and vampires not just because we are greedy, but because we know that it was always supposed to be that way? What if our attraction to Dracula, Lestat, and Edward Cullen is a fallen perversion of a desire to return home? What if elves are actually more natural than we are?