I find that people are ridiculous. I desperately want to get married and have babies. There is nothing I want more in this world than to be a mom - no higher calling in my book. I cry because I don't have that; yet, my married-with-babies friends cry because they do. We are ridiculous. We are fickle creatures.
I am angry with myself for being sad.
I am angry with myself for being so unsatisfied.
I am angry with myself for not living, for waiting.
I am angry with myself for realizing this but not being able to do a darn thing about it.
I am tired of all of tears I've shed because I am constantly not-chosen.
I am tired of the broken record of '6 years' that my heart leaks.
I am tired of being unhappy when I have soooo much to be happy about.
I am tired of overlooking blessings because I thought I would have different ones by now.
I am disappointed that I have so much to satisfy, yet that I have so little satisfaction.
"We are half hearted creatures fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he can't imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C.S. Lewis
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